Choosing to Go Undiagnosed As A Neurodivergent : Why It’s the Best Decision I’ve Ever Made
In a world where labels often define how we view ourselves and others, it can be empowering to step away from the need for diagnoses and embrace who we are without categorization. For context, I’m not American, but I’ve lived in the United States for nine years. In my culture, diagnosing people’s personalities isn’t the norm. Instead, we accept individuals as they are, focusing on their unique traits rather than labeling them with conditions like autism, ADHD, or others.
This cultural difference has significantly shaped my perspective. While living in the U.S., I’ve been told countless times that I might be undiagnosed with autism, ADHD, or some other condition. Initially, I bought into this idea, attending therapy and trying to figure out “what was wrong with me.” However, through reflection and life experiences, I’ve come to realize there’s nothing wrong with me at all. Choosing to go undiagnosed was the best decision I’ve ever made.
In this article, I’ll share my journey of self-acceptance, explain why I chose not to pursue a diagnosis, and explore why it’s okay to embrace who you are without needing a label.
The Pressure to Fit Into a Box
Growing up, I struggled with social cues and had difficulty paying attention, especially in school or job environments. My personality has always been vibrant and unconventional, which often led to others calling me “weird” or even “crazy.” These words hurt deeply, especially as a child. Adults would label me in ways I didn’t understand, and their judgment made me feel like there was something inherently wrong with me.
Children, however, always seemed to love me. Their openness and lack of judgment made me feel accepted in ways adults never could. But as I got older, the pressure to fit into societal norms grew stronger. I withdrew from social settings, preferring the comfort of my privacy and solitude.
Living in America amplified this pressure. Unlike my home culture, where individuality is accepted without question, the U.S. often emphasizes diagnoses to explain behaviors that don’t align with the norm. It’s as if not fitting into specific boxes requires an explanation — or worse, a correction.
The Therapy Journey: Searching for Answers
For a while, I went to therapy, hoping to understand why I struggled with things others seemed to handle effortlessly. I thought a diagnosis might give me clarity or help me “fix” myself. People around me suggested I might have undiagnosed autism or ADHD, and I started to internalize those ideas.
Therapy made me question myself even more. I began to pick apart my personality, focusing on all the ways I didn’t measure up to societal expectations. Instead of finding peace, I became consumed by self-doubt.
But then, life presented me with an unexpected opportunity. I had to take a trip abroad, and during that time, I stepped away from therapy and the constant questioning of my identity. This break was transformative. I realized that the problem wasn’t me — it was the way I had been taught to view myself.
The Moment of Clarity
That trip gave me a fresh perspective. I stopped seeing myself as someone who needed to be “fixed” and started embracing who I was. I realized that the people who labeled me “weird” or “crazy” weren’t seeing the full picture. Often, their reactions were more about their inability to understand me than about any flaw in my character.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed that the same people who once judged me are now grappling with their own challenges. This has further reinforced my belief that everyone has their quirks, and mine don’t make me any less worthy or capable.
By choosing to go undiagnosed, I’ve freed myself from the need to fit into a specific category. I’ve accepted that my struggles with social cues and attention don’t define me — they’re just parts of who I am.
Why I Chose Not to Pursue a Diagnosis
- Cultural Perspective
In my culture, people are accepted as they are without the need for labels. Diagnosing personalities or behaviors isn’t a common practice; instead, there’s an emphasis on understanding and embracing individual differences. This approach has always resonated with me. - Self-Acceptance
Pursuing a diagnosis felt like an attempt to prove there was something wrong with me. By stepping away from that mindset, I’ve learned to accept myself fully, quirks and all. - Breaking Free from Judgment
Labels can often lead to further judgment or misunderstanding. I didn’t want my identity to be reduced to a diagnosis or for others to make assumptions about me based on a label. - Focus on Strengths
Rather than dwelling on what I struggle with, I’ve chosen to focus on my strengths. Children gravitate toward me because of my vibrant personality, and I’ve learned to see this as a gift rather than a flaw. - Reclaiming My Power
By not seeking a diagnosis, I’ve taken control of my narrative. I’ve stopped letting others define me and started living life on my own terms.
The Downsides of Over-Diagnosing
While diagnoses can be helpful for some, over-diagnosing can have its drawbacks:
- Stigmatization
Labels can lead to stigma, making people feel ostracized or judged. - Over-Focus on Limitations
A diagnosis can sometimes make people overly focused on their limitations rather than their strengths. - Dependence on External Validation
Relying on a diagnosis for self-understanding can lead to a lack of trust in one’s own intuition and self-awareness. - Cultural Disconnect
For individuals from cultures that don’t emphasize diagnoses, the process can feel alienating or unnecessary.
Living Life on My Terms
Since choosing to go undiagnosed, I’ve experienced a newfound sense of freedom. I no longer feel the need to conform to societal expectations or explain myself to others. Instead, I’ve embraced my quirks and focused on building a life that aligns with my values and priorities.
I’ve also stopped being triggered by words like “weird” or “crazy.” These words no longer hold power over me because I know who I am. I’ve come to understand that people’s reactions to me are often a reflection of their own insecurities, not a commentary on my worth.
The Importance of Self-Awareness
Choosing to go undiagnosed doesn’t mean ignoring self-awareness. On the contrary, it requires a deep understanding of who you are and what works for you. By embracing my individuality, I’ve learned to:
- Set boundaries that protect my peace and privacy.
- Focus on relationships and environments that celebrate my uniqueness.
- Prioritize personal growth and self-care.
Conclusion: Embracing Your Authentic Self
There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to be diagnosed. It’s okay to reject labels and embrace your quirks as part of what makes you unique. For me, choosing to go undiagnosed has been the best decision I’ve ever made. It’s allowed me to step into my power, accept myself fully, and live a life that feels authentic and fulfilling.
If you’ve ever felt pressured to seek a diagnosis or conform to societal norms, remember this: you are enough just as you are. Your worth isn’t determined by a label, and you don’t need anyone’s validation to embrace your true self. Focus on what brings you joy, invest in your strengths, and let go of the need to fit into a box. You deserve to live a life that feels true to you.